Catholic Family Vignettes

This would be painful to watch, if it weren't so doggone funny!

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You have to read this post of Amy's. It provides the perfect backdrop for this:

I have a cat. I didn't want a cat.

Late last summer this really adorable kitten (we live on a farm...everyone assumes we are the local animal shelter, they drop off cats all the time!) showed up on the back porch. I quickly informed the husband and children that we were not, under any circumstances, keeping the cat. No matter that he was very cute. And that he had blue eyes.

(all together now: awwwwwww...isn't he cute!)


No cat.

Then the cat caught a mouse. Outside the storage building. Quickly and efficiently. "He stays!" I boldly proclaimed, thinking cheap cat food and a flea treatment will take care of his most basic needs. Charlotte named him Cookie Monster.

When the temperatures dropped, we decided to bring the poor dear inside, he was rather scrawny (he'd been fighting off assorted wildlife for his dinner)...and made all of the arrangements to accommodate a feline, including the dreaded litter box.

The smell, was unbearable. We tried every type of litter, scooping twice daily, deodorizing...to no avail.

Then a good friend stopped by for a visit. She took a good long look at our cat and said, "I think he's a Rag Doll..."

"Yeah...he is kind of cute, but the smell!" was my reply.

She proceeded to explain that Rag Doll was the breed. A fairly expensive and desirable breed and we should do a little research.

Sure enough, this "throw away" cat, is without doubt, a Rag Doll. Check the comparison:





Well, the cat's diet improved dramatically after that revelation, away with the cheap food! Amazingly, the "stinky litter box" problem disappeared just as soon as his highness' diet was improved.

The great thing about Rag Dolls: they are more dog than cat. They don't pounce on you, they don't have the energy to chase a ball of string let alone tear up your curtains. They can be picked up and placed in any position imaginable...and they'll stay there! Guests have stepped on our cat...he just lays there. He is absolutely enormous now...getting bigger every day.

The downside: he thinks he's a dog. He simply refuses to urinate in the litter box. He must go outside or he'll "go" all over the kitchen floor. Huge puddles. Like a dog.

The worst yet? He peed on me. Last night.

Quick. Tell me he's a really pretty cat. Or it's Craigslist.

Read more!

I spent a good portion of yesterday suffering from the effects of a nasty cold that just doesn't want to go away. Standing before the mirror brushing my hair, I made the following comment to my husband:

"Gosh, honey...I looked well enough yesterday, but tonight I look like absolute death!"

Six year old Charlotte walked into the room at that moment, took one look at me and said, "It's okay, Mommy. Some Moms just don't do fashion."

Coming from the little girl sporting a brand new hair cut of her own design. I love my kids! Read more!

Greeting our dear priest this morning after Mass, he is affectionately "assaulted" by darling, four year old Margaret, daughter to our dear friends, John and Christina.

"Hello, Jesus! Hello!" she gleefully shouted, embracing Father's legs.

Father's quick reply:

"Ah, the dear child...obscured by my own sin, she still sees Christ within me. We should all be so observant!"

Yes, Father--we should all be so observant! Thanks for the reminder... Read more!

Standing at the kitchen sink. Four year old seated upon a stool beside me.

Mommy: I love you so much, Emily!

Emily: I love you more, Mommy!

Mommy: No, Emily, I love you more. I loved you before you were even born.

Emily: Mommy, I loved you so much before I was born that I growed you around me!

How can you argue with such a sweet sentiment? I'm simply a by-product of my child's love! Read more!

Overheard by Mr. Tom while at the zoo petting barn:

Charlotte (innocently): Where do the goats lay their eggs?

Gareth (indignant): Charlotte! Goats do not lay eggs...they are born already hatched!

Charlotte (angrily): Yes, they do Gareth! I know they do!

I'm glad we have that straight. Though I must say, this cardboard cut-out does seem to give credence to Charlottes's assertion.

(I think it's supposed to be a snowball...could be an egg...who knows?)


Read more!

I love the Columbus Zoo.

Last Christmas, my dear Grandmother gave the family an annual membership. A very practical gift, since a day's admission for a family this size costs more than a yearly membership.

Last year, we were delighted to discover that the zoo is open after hours throughout the holiday season. Wild Lights at the Columbus Zoo offers visitors the opportunity to stroll through the park (which is beautifully lit by more than three million lights) and observe the nocturnal activities of the many animals. Vendors selling Bavarian roasted pecans and almonds, hot wassail and cocoa, ice skating and a visit with St. Nick enhance the festive spirit. We attended Wild Lights last year, and the children have been clamoring to go ever since.

So we took them on Saturday night. We invited our dear friend, Tom, to join us. True, the sky was a bit misty and it was very dark and very cold, but hey--that's part of the fun!

As we approached the park, the traffic was insane! Apparently, our good idea appealed to most of Columbus as well. Parking the car, it was apparent that it was no longer just cold, it was freezing. And it was not just a bit misty, it was raining.

We stood in line. For a very long time. Getting wetter and wetter.

Mr. Tom, with his wry sense of humor says "Oh...I see. This is how you punish the children when they misbehave. You take them to the zoo in the dark and get them very wet and very cold."

Ha ha.

Once inside the park, things improved. The children were enchanted by the lights, though the crowds were significantly larger than last year.

The good: the beautiful lights, the petting barn, the model trains.

The bad: too much traffic, a large group of obnoxious teenagers, and four little boys who simply couldn't stop making snowballs and pelting each other.

Oh yeah...we lost Maximilian. My sweet boy is a non-stop "lagger". He simply will not stay with the group. This is not the first time Max has been "left behind." He was quickly found by his dad (at the model train station), but not before his panicky mom had alerted park security.

It is a testimony to the hardiness of the children that they do, indeed, call this fun!

Read more!

Does anyone remember this post?

Or this one?

If you do, then you know that my dear son is so incredibly allergic to poison ivy, it is frightening.

He wouldn't even accompany us to the woods today, due to his fear of another severe reaction.

Have you ever seen these? (Picture courtesy of Google Images)


Do they look like these? (Picture courtesy of yours truly, taken today)


They are...drum roll, please...POISON IVY BERRIES!

In my infinite wisdom, with the desire to beautify and enhance our Advent decor, I brought this evil weed into my home.

How was I to know that poison ivy has berries?!! My husband, that dear man, was checking out my blog, admiring the lovely pictures of the children and their nature "collection", when he noticed that the picture of his young son holding a branch of berries, seemingly resembled poison ivy berries. A quick "google image" search revealed the dreadful truth...poison ivy, PART III.

I am so sick of this. I can't avoid it. It is in my dining room.

But not for long.

Anyone have a blowtorch? Oops. That would be bad. Very bad.

Maybe I'll just bury it. Oops...propagation? Nooooooooooooooo!

The trash...double-bagged, of course!


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The blue sky and intense sunshine were quite deceptive...34 degrees with 20 mph winds making it feel more like 28 degrees.

We went to the park anyway.

Afflicted with a serious case of cabin fever, my "big guy" decided the weather was just perfect for fishing.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY! (hehehe...the one that got away...)

In the end...he caught a really nice lure...pulled it right out of that tree!

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Does this guy scare you? Is his gaze, perhaps, a bit too serene?

Apparently my four year old thinks so. A dear family friend revealed my sweet girl's very practical solution to "prying eyes."

Our friend's guest bath doesn't have the traditional wall dispenser for toilet paper. The solution? The handy-dandy Toilet Paper Butler! Another novel solution to the storage of extra rolls? A hand-crafted top-hat sitting on the back of the tank. Nifty and dapper!

Dapper doesn't just cut it, however, when a very modest four year old encounters the bold stare of a mustached gentleman. Her solution: remove the top-hat from the extra roll and cover the gentleman's eyes. Voila! Privacy is assured.

It seems my little one is not the only young lady to have a problem with the "bathroom valet"...another young lady turned the gentleman's face to the wall.

You have to love modest children! Read more!

Who has the time to do this stuff?! Monty Python?! Legos?! This is insane...my boys are still laughing!

Read more!

h/t to Irish-Catholic and Dangerous:

Made you laugh, didn't it?! Read more!

See the kid in the dunce cap?

That would be me.

Who knew today was Columbus Day?! To be certain, I was quite aware on FRIDAY that MONDAY was Columbus Day.

But that was Friday.

Today is Monday. So...at approximately 8:00 a.m. this morning, I'm racing to get gas, taking a new route to the college and amazed at how quickly we are making our way downtown. Down Broad, left on Jefferson, left on Spring Street. No traffic!

College parking lot: Empty.

College campus: Deserted.

BECAUSE IT IS COLUMBUS DAY!

Maniacal laughter at the steering wheel (that would be me!) Seriously irritated college student, in the passenger seat.

"Tell me I did not get up BEFORE 7:00 a.m. to come to school on a FEDERAL HOLIDAY!"

Yes...she attends classes in COLUMBUS, Ohio. You'd think I would've kept that connection within the ever dimming recesses of my brain. Columbus Day is a pretty big event around here.

Sheesh...I'm batting a thousand...at least I got her there on time!

Just one more "mother/daughter bonding moment" in the nut house! Read more!

I never really liked cafeterias, anyway!

It was inevitable...Catholic Family Vignettes has been banned by The Spirit Of Vatican II. According to "Fr. Tim", this blog contains elements of phariseeism, clericalism, traditionalism, extreme medievalism and funny languages. I'm honored. Truly. Extreme medievalism...I'm "tearing up" right now...I never realized how good being "banned" could feel!

Oh yeah...Amy...you've been banned too! And we didn't even have to ask! By the way...if you really want a good laugh, check out this! Read more!

It's official. I'm losing my mind.

Every morning, the ritual is the same: fix the coffee, make a bacon/egg/cheese bagel sandwich, fill the water jug and pack his lunch. In that order. Because I love him.

I filled the coffee pot with filtered water, poured it into the machine, put the filter in the filter basket and opened the box of dishwasher tabs, placed one in the filter basket and shut the compartment.

A DISHWASHER TAB!! IN THE COFFEE MAKER!!

Thank heavens I didn't turn it on. My dear husband might want to take a closer look at his lunch today.

Insanity is such an insidious thing...I never saw it coming! Read more!

A lovely family meal. Chicken parmagiana served on a bed of whole wheat garlic infused pasta and the best loaf of crusty, Italian bread.

Of course, there were the inevitable complaints: "what's this?" "do I like this?" "have we had this before?" - I've heard them many times.

"It's chicken parmagiana...you'll love it. Yes, we've had it before. You should be thankful for a homecooked meal. When I was a child (yes...I actually said those dreaded words) the only way I ever had chicken parmagiana was in a TV dinner."

Blank stares.

"What's a TV dinner?" my oldest son asked.

VICTORY!!

It took quite awhile to explain to them why anyone would want to eat instant mashed potatoes, unidentifiable meat and cooked carrots...in front of the television, no less.

Having "not-so-fond" memories of salisbury steak... Read more!

h/t to +JMJ+

Absolutely wacky! Want to buy a blog?!! Let's see...I could buy more school books, fix the car, tune the piano...Sweet!

Here is what happens when an agnostic Senator files a frivolous lawsuit to prove that anyone can file a frivolous lawsuit:

From CNN:

LINCOLN, Nebraska (AP) -- A legislator who filed a lawsuit against God has gotten something he might not have expected: a response.

One of two court filings from "God" came Wednesday under otherworldly circumstances, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.

"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here -- poof!" Friend said.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians, said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous. He said he's trying to make the point that anybody can sue anybody.

Not so, says "God." His response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.

It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point.

"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.

There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.

Attempts to reach Chambers by phone and at his Capitol office Thursday were unsuccessful. Read more!

A sinus headache. And where are the last two sinus tabs? In the bottom of my purse (cue dramatic music!)

As I'm rummaging through my purse, which is a large, shapeless bag, I'm cursing the sheer volume of paper, the three mantillas, two church bulletins and large umbrella stand (oh...wait...that's Mary Poppins!), trying to find the world's smallest pack of foil-wrapped pain relievers.

"I hate this purse!"

My thirteen year old son, with a wry smile, says:

"Hey mom...maybe you need to find a purse with shelves...or maybe you just need those stackable things, like in a toolbox..."

Very funny...very, very funny.

My dear friend Sandra, who actually puts her cash in her wallet and knows where her keys are, is laughing her head off right now...

Do they make purses with shelves? I wonder... Read more!