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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Disquietude

It is the Feast of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother, and I am once again meditating upon the great mystery that is motherhood. How lovely to realize that our Mother in Heaven, is just that...Mother.

The past few days, my patience has been wanting. Everyday household responsibilities laced with relatively minor irritations: the laundry that never ends, the dishes that seemingly multiply by the second, the van with flat tire #2, the school books that still haven't been ordered, the classroom that must be organized and so on, etc., ad infinitum.

Minor irritations. Yet the very ones that I blame for my "disquietude." Two weeks ago, my dear priest gave a homily on this subject. Quoting St. John of the Cross, he insisted that we engrave these words in our mind and heart...maybe even over the door post, if necessary:

"Disquietude is always vanity"


My discomfort, my irritations, my impatience...vanity. Vanity. What a humbling reality. And if I should be tempted to think that there is an "out", perhaps a special circumstance that would allow me this luxury...well...here is the full text of St. John's quote:

"Disquietude is always vanity, because it serves no good. Yes, even if the whole world were thrown into confusion and all things in it, disquietude on that account would be vanity."

"because it serves no good." So very true, and yet I struggle against that which I know "serves no good" and is "always vanity."

Today, I am thankful that it is not yesterday, though I wish I could do it over again. I wish I could erase the angry words I used when I found the three boxes of cereal scattered across the dining room floor. I wish I could erase the frowns and sighs that accompanied many of my daily tasks. I wish...

I think I'll pray, instead. At the foot of the cross. And take up my very small cross. Thank you, God, for this cross!

2 comments:

Suzanne said...

Thanks for the reminder post, Kimberly!!! These last few days the Lord has been reminding me about Purgatory and the wonderful opportunities I have each day to make a sacrifice of the present moment and "offer it up." Disquietude is vanity, and trust and acceptance will gain us reparation. How sad will we be one day when we see how we've missed opportunities to suffer for love of Christ.

Kimberly Wasson said...

Thank you, Suzanne, for your lovely observation. I know I miss so many opportunities to "offer up" my sufferings, no matter how small! Thank heavens, the Lord seems to delight in giving me repeat opportunities ;-D